Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Beyond


A distant tune set in the breeze,
The evening's scented memories,
The touch of flavour deep within
And imagined visions the young eye sees.

My trembling heart- it sings a song,
To last all day and all night long.
It rains in my valley, my humble home,
The night sky whispers, "Nothing can go wrong."

I'll walk the less known road tonight,
The one that stayed well out of sight,
And i'll talk to you through the shivering leaves,
On the trees that smell of the blessed night.

The moon- she's argued with the mighty sun,
She wants to stay, he wants her to run,
She's waited for magic far too long it seems.
And she's smiling now, it seems like she's won.

Waves of pure frenzy that run through my mind,
I've left my homeward thoughts behind.
Tonight i escape, I run to the world......
Tonight I can see what I've tried so hard to find.

I can feel it in the rustling of leaves all around,
The magic's unleashed, and my spirit's unbound.
The stars are humming, they can see my dreams,
I'll lose myself to the night, to be newly found.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Reverie



A few dark streaks
In that field of light......
A thin grey line
Between black and white.

A glistening dewdrop
The autumn leaf adornes;
Those tiny monarchs smile
From their celestial thrones.

An ever-so-soft footfall
On that rarely trodden road,
The sign of life that shatters
The silence hallowed.

She walked through the clearing,
She walked into the haze.
As Nature's echoing chimes,
Trembled in a daze.

Her eyes- they sang a million songs....
Her lips stood painting a smile....
Her curls lay glistening in the mist....
She stood still for a while.

The fine threads of mist grew weary soon,
An illusion drawing to a close;
She never moved an inch it seemed,
Time itself slowed down and froze.

A moment or more, before the sun rose,
The glade glowed heavenly bright.
She broke out from her trance; broke into a smile,
And slipped away into the light.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

.....n Iron Man too?

Okayy, in light of d recent n not-so-very-recent movie parade dat i've romped about on in d past couple of months, i'd really really lyk to discuss some of them. im gonna clearly state though, that these are NOT meant to b viewed seriously, n are in no way meant to b directed against d movie industry in any way whatsoever! So here goes.......

Karthik Calling Karthik
U'd really think ur gonna watch sumthin intrestin wen u hear dat d storyline involves a person with schizophrenia in d form oof multiple-personality disorder. Well, reality check: its just a whole load of claptrap abt how sum twisted dude believs he has 2 personalities n decyded to friggin FOOL HIS ALTER EGO by HIDING INFORMATION ABOUT HIMSELF FROM HIMSELF HIMSELF!! Yes, i wrote "himself" twice....coz it makes perfect sense! :-) Here r sum pointers from d movie:
1) Dude loves chick
2) Dude has hot, suave alter ego who calls him (meanin himself) up to help him get chick
3) Chick's a dramatic beyotch
4) Dude sad to hide himself (as alter ego) from her
5) Dude reveals truth
6) Alter ego fucks him (himself) up posin as himself!!! (picture if u will)
7) Dude runs away to unknown area, hidin frm HIMSELF to get rid of his alter ego(himself)
8) Dude tries to come bak wen he thinks he's rid himself of himself!!!!! (WTF???!)
9) dus not work: alter ego's bak, dude tries killin himself (sleepin pills...)
10) movie closes wit dude (fully cured) with chick....n no1 knows how he's cured.....apparently ur sposed to bliv "LOVE" can cure all things....
Need i say more????

Phoonk 2
Shockd dat i've seen dis? Well, our famous quartet of movie-going manioacs hav reviewd dis move too!! N trust me, its opne swell ride!! Believe me, its SCARY-ly shocking! Ur wits vl b numbed by it! Followin d traditional storyline of happy-family-must-b-screwed, it has elements of horror dat left us razzled to d core! M not exaggeratin wen im sayin dat 2 of my frends had gone cold n silent by d middle of d movie n wen i, in utmost concern, nudged dem, all i cud elicit ws a couple of disgruntled groans frm beind d bags dey were using as cover to spare demselvs d horror of d movie's scare tactics! Aww c'mon, dont b too hard on dose poor guys now.....if u'd seen d worst-lookin female in d scariest make-up arrive in pop-down fashion all of a sudden on d giant screen, ud b shakin too!! Altho i must admit, i simply can NOT 4get dis fact: D ghost drove a knife straight thru d father TWICE, i repeat, a friggin GHOST used a friggin KNIFE n drove it thru d father friggint TWICE, yet legendary daddy-o JUST WUDNT DIE!! Now who d hell was d ghost, i ask u!!??!!!! If u hav a gang of movie-scorners lyk i do (srsly proud of u guys), den dis d go-to movie, i swear!!

LSD
Dats ryte, suckers!! We left no potboiler un-watched! Lemme just tell u wat d movie has:
It has 3 stories....d first one abt Love, d second one about Sex, n d third about Dhokha. N dey're all (kudos to d wrold's most twisted criminal-director-mastermind) connected in d weirdest way. Excellent cinematography, i must say, wit d trals of using handycam-shot effects to give a touch of reality to d whole movie. Its d best laffter-riot of d year!
D movie abt Love has a dad who wants his own daughter to star in a movie dat MUST have a mujra item-dance shot at his own place on d occasion of d aforementioned daughter's weddin! Aforementiond father den proceeds to hav his daughter n her lover KILLED when dey elope. Aforementiond daughter elopes wit a cheapskate producer dude n den d pair of fools call up psycho-dad n confess!! Confused enuff yet? dere's more!
D movie abt Sex has a fraud store manager tryin to have sex with a store salesgirl n capture it on viedotape n sell it to help himself get out of a monetary problem wit sum dangerous thugs!! Wait, ders more....
D movie about Dhokha depicts an aspirin dancer tryin to expose a famous popstar for havin offerd her a role in his music video in exchange for sex! Period!
N BELIEVE IT OR NOT, D SADISTIC DIRECTOR HAD D TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOUR TO ACTUALLY CONNECT ALL D PEOPLE IN D 3 STORIES!! Dont u just luv d guy???? We did! N i offishially giv it a 5-star rating as far as d "Fry-Ur-Brain Movie" category is concerned!

Iron Man 2
Tony Stark is God.
Tony Stark HAND-BUILT a large hadron collider at home.
Tony Stark has large enuff home for d collider.
Stark's dad is d father of God.
He left d electronic configuration of an undiscovered element in d form of a map of a park leaving his son (said God) to synthesize it using said Hadron collider.
Ivan Vanko is Devil.
Ivan Vanko is a Russain scientist who: a) loves his bird ("bord") b)hates Tony.
Scarlett Johansson is hot.
Period.



I've also watched "kites" but its wrought my fragile, lil mind so much dat i need another post to relate its entire true form to u. Till then, ciao!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Realms of Fantasy



Catchy title, eh? Nah.....ain't worth a lot though. Its just bn a long time since i announcd my return, n yet hadn posted n e thin n thot dat folks myte b wondering if my "return" just meant i re-learnt how to operate a pc again.
Ah well, here's wats up with me.....im FRIGGIN BORED! wen ur in medical college, dripping enuf sweat to charge up dead batteries for a lifetime, u kno ders sumthin wrong wit ya! so here i am, tryin to let off a teeeeny ween bit of steam thru my blog.......bt believe me, i type so far n its not helpin.
Oh, gezz wat humans, a couple of days bak, i tried a funny thing on my sleeping brother. Dere i was, lyin down on my bed, wid him asleep besyde me, wen i thot to myself "Do humans respond in the same way to being scratchd behind their ears as cats n dogs do?" So i reachd over n tried it on my bro..........n i proudly say "IT WORKS!" my sweet lil lost-in-dreamland brother smiled, elicited wat i inferred was a purr of happiness, tried involuntarily rubbin (*picture, if u will, d "involuntari-ness" of "tryin" to rub*) his face on d pillow, n den dozed off agen. Well, dats it for u non-beleivers den, Darwin was ryte.....we did evolve frm cats n dogs....n , ahem, of course, apes.

Hey, ne of u guys hav proper plans for killin tyme dis summer?? N by proper, i mean RADICAL!!! i need ideas lyke "go pee on mt. rushmore" n such to keep me going! Im fed up tryin to watch movies at home evryday! Which reminds me.....remembr the old gangster movies with the famous word "Capiche"? WEll, when i heard it for d first tyme (mind u, i was much younger), i thoroughly beleevd i had heard "CATFISH".....n i spent a considerable amount of tyme tryin to figure out why in god's name wud Al Capone kidnap a dude, n then tell him, "U gotta pay up within 24 hours or u're dead....catfish?"???!?!?!? With my honest belef in mind, i checkd up d net for a reference......n wound up wit articles on italian cafish n a certain video game calld "conker the squirrel" starring a certain gangster catfish. It was an episode of "Simpsons", believe me, which brought d reality to me in the form of "capiche"!

Well, enuff rambling for nw, if u folks do cum up wid ideas to save me frm a lonely, horrible death frm boredom, do keep sendin ideas!!!! Capiche?

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Back with a Bang

Yes, my humongously shocking fellow humans, I AM BACK! N by dis, i do NOT mean to say dat i form a rather considerable portion of ur fat arse, or bottom, as it were. It just means dat i m out of my self-announced sabbatical.......
so, to those who missed me: "Yeah, u can start followin me lyk dumbarses again!"
N to those who wished dey'd miss me forever: "Eat dung! D fun's just starting!"
:D

Ooh, things hav changed in lyf quite a rocking bit....first of all......erm, ahem, Im in college. (*smirk befittin a guy who seems to hav just lost his virginity bt has actually just stepped on a salamander's tail*). Secondly, My views abt d belief dat ppl r dumb has tremendously INCREASED.....so kudos to all d readers to help me prove so!! (haha, u jerks!) Moreimpotrantly, n lastly of cours, my creative juices....(erm, nope, not my juices dat can create life) r being stimulated a lot dese days....so u guys myte b in for sum treats frm now on.
Cheers!

Monday, September 14, 2009

The light burns on



Holding tears on a wrinkled leaf,

I stood by the mystic edge of the sea.
Heard whispers in the golden garments,

That Autumn herself had shed for me.


Silent winds rippled on the water....
My hand faltered, I froze in time...

Captured the world's essence in a flickering instant,

As my mind waded through Nature's intricate design.

The thorn through my soul shoved in deeper,

I bled out drops only I could see.

Betrayed by my own faith, I stood unwavered now,
This wasn't the way they said it would be.


Phrases hurtling right through my brain,

Each one hit me with a sickening wrench.

My eyes wide shut, the sky brightly dark,

Humanity's ever-so-famous inglorious stench.

Purple rain dashed down on me;
Blue flames, to take my soul, suffice.

A blinding flash in time, a whisper unheard,

...........And I waited for my final sacrifice.

Windswept I stood, a prodigal son of Time,
A cloak of mist heralding the dawn....
Far in the distance, a Lighthouse sweeps its beam,
As i curl into darkness, the light burns on.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Winds of Hades


I've stooped, I've bled, I've reeled in pain,

I've died a thousand times.

Vengeance, unleashed, claimed me for his own-
I've paid for others' crimes
.

Past all glories, past all fame,
Tonight I stand by the edge
Of all that was, and all that will be,

Dead eyes, with a grief-stricken pledge.

Immortal thoughts, come prey on me!
And I'll never flinch I swear!

But my soul shall forever be only bound,
To the one I truly hold dear.


Joys ripped out in a whirlwind of hate,
Faith and Justice horribly gone wrong.
As angels of death, their wings round me spread...

My heart sings its own swansong.

My reflection shimmers, the water's edge glistens,
I wait for the chill to grip me.
For when all's that been mine shall be wrenched apart-

My reflection will be there to see.

The trumpet blows....The winds run amok....
A few moments more....And fate shall have struck....
With all its wrath....With might unbound....
And then....its silence that shall only sound
.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Tryst of a Lifetime

Okay now this is looooooooong overdue. Last sunday was Mothers' Day. A highly interesting class of humans, aint't they? Mothers. i mean. A few days bak, der was dis huge thunderstorm....n as i was just chilling out in d terrace, i started thinking. Truly, highly interesting, our mothers. We'll prolly neva hav n e one closer to us dan our moms (fer pete's sake, u crawled out of her!!). Well, as far as i'm concernd...life wid mom's been a gr8 tale, trust me. N over my 18 years of knowing her (dats third only to dad n her parents u kno!), I've known lotsa sides to her face.
She has dis weird habit of asking certain really, really weird, answer-smack-on-d-face kinda queschuns in d least complez situashuns! Kinda makes u feel as if dis is one simle woman....wud b soooo easy to fool her! Bt trust me, iv tried dat (naah..not in a bad way....in a "mom-m-goin-to-tuishun"-bt axully-bunkin kinda way.:)) bt gezz wat?? she's olwayz KNOWN!!!! DEN she'll neva ask n e shtupid qn.....n no mattr how flawless my plan is, she olwez just knows!!!!
She didn let me watch "Terminator 2" at d dinner table coz she felt it was too action-packd for d diner-time-family-reunion.....bt she's watched "XXX" (d friggin movie..u perv!) n "Die Hard 4.0" wid me..twice each!! She luvd it!!!
She's usually a silent type in public....bt hell, u shud see her wen sum friggin taxi driver tries cheatin her n den arguin....by jove! if words were slaps, den she packs quite a punch!
I've hated her n luvd her d most at times...a lil less of d hate, a lil more of d love.
She's defeated me at carroms....no wait, dats NOT d best part.....dat was d first tme i'd just taught her how to play! yes...dat IS d best part now.
She's read Dan Brown n Alistair MacClean n gone into knowledge-huntin frenzies each time! For days i'd had to lissn to her unearthn sum new stuff or d oder abt d themes in d novels. :D Tok abt not givinn up! I had to giv up on her ever givin up!
She just won't accept dat western songs r good.......she knows dey r, she just finds it funny not to accept dat! :(
All in all, she's my mom n i love her. Vv had d weirdest of conversations n spent d best times togedr....n dis goes out to all dose moms out der makin millions of oder kids feel dis way too!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Ripples in the Mist


The moonlight wanes,
Sorrow in its glow.
As dreams get killed,
And we don't even know.

He bathed in its rays,
He adorned the silver gleam...
He'd struck gold dust,
But killed someone's dream.

In glorious abandon,
He walked on that night.
He didn't stare at the flower,
That lay just out of sight.

It was too late,
When he looked down,
Its petals lay shrivelled-
Its body strewn around.

As the night grew colder,
The flower calmly slept.
Yet as it looked back smiling,
He sat down.......... and wept.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Mesmer


The drops peltered down,

In synchronised exuberance....

Swelling wth pride....yet pouting in pain.

Drenched to the bone, I kept walking....

Down the long road leading to Neverwas,

Dreams woven out of a misty rainbow....

A rainbow lost in a shroud of misery.

Time swung by, hours washed away...

The drops kept washing away my senses,

My thoughts, spiralling upward into smoky oblivion.

There wasn't a soul, not a ray of light,

My steps grew weary, my sorry plight....

I trudged on - then faltered, I lay down to rest,

Sensing a warmth peeking out through the chill -

Waiting, for the drops to wash me away.

Waiting, for a new pour, in the heart of a new day.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Boy you're drunk...kapeesh?

I had yet again my bio chapters gorging on me, so i decided to take a break agen n write up a new post. Well, of all d heeby jeebies i could write on, i chose dis fer a v important reezn: its gonna help lotsa ppl find a safe way bak home. Yup, Ive figured out sum fool-proof ways of how u can say ur really drunk, u really hav ze booz flowin thru u, mate...here's how:

1) U try gettin in2 a taxi filled wid passengers (*coz u cant c d friggin passengers*) den realize ders sum obstrucshun on d seat, n u get down mutterin : Aiaiai! bloody cabdriver!! D seat's too darn high!

2) U fynally get into an empty taxi n think dat d fare meter shows d time.
Drunk dyud: Holy @#$@#$%%!! Drive faster!! Its 14 past 54 olredy!!.......R u kiddin me?? Now its 32 past 65!! Ill neva reach in time!

3) U go to a party n start actin way too spanish (*ahem...dont mind, z spanish think dey r way too slick wid z girls.....n d drunk ones think z same, wit guys*)
Sober dude: Hey, u seen francis?
Drunk francis (*does a salsa spin, makes a slutty smile*): Oley!!! I m Ferancees Feruhnahndo! Want too tahngo? (*voice a cross btwn a deep baritone n a croak*)
Sober dude(*running away*): Bleeeearghh!! Take ur cock away Phurnuhndo!! Wait...Is dat a jalapeno?!!
Drunk dude(*runnin after him*): El como bako!!(*i dunno wat dis means tho*)

4) U do d YMCA dance at a relativ's funeral to show ur respect fer d poor, demised soul. (ps. hav u seen d friggin' dance? its hilarious!!)

5) U go to a party, a guy whips out his hand fer a handshake, n u reply: "O yeah?! well same to u sucker!! Fuck u!" n giv him bak d rude sign vch d poor guy never made in d first place.

6) U go to a zoo, get too near d monkey enclosure n start screamin at d poor primates : Hey!! Get me outta dis cage!!! Il have u fer dis!!!

7) Ur office routine goes lyk dis:
* U reach office in ur frenz car
* U walk straight up to ze boss
* U grab his collars, bring ur face too darn close, breath hoarsely, n say..
* "Maria, pleease dont leave me..."

8) U do a lil jiggly thingy wid ur butt cheeks in front of yer kids just to show ur happy

9) U go to a store n start tokin to a mannequin n eventually even get her fone no.......(* :*)

10) U take part in "Romeo n Juliet" n mess it up:
Juleit: O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Romeo (*drunk*): M down here in ze bushes just takin a piss!!

11) U start driving bak home... n never make it.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Soulmate



Took me time to understand your silence,
Before i got to your words,
My stream of thoughts came piling out,
In admired disarray, like flittin birds.
I took a single step, then faltered:
I knew not what i'd say;
Your eyes, the radiance they held,
Were enough to sweep me away.
I look bak now and I wonder,
How ever since our first bonds were made:
You've always wrapped my soul in your loving embrace,
How your glance the unspoken has said.
Time n again I've hurt you,
Your eyes, I've seen them bleed
Yet your angelic grace surrounded me,
Never hesitant - not a blemish of pain in your deed.
Darkness still thinks I'm his own,
As its tendrils it snares around me.
But my zephyr, my angel, my cherubim,
How can it ever win over thee?
Every time your presence charms me,
I feel a wave swelling deep inside-
As though all the barriers of fear n hatred,
Could never try to stop this tide.
Forever and ever, my skies glow on,
With ur melody playing above all the din.
The very fact dat at times I've made u cry,
Now seems each one a heinous sin.
A mist all around me at times grow,
Fashioned out of my own guilt.
Tears choke me, as I paint my canvass
With how much pain for me u've endured, how sad u've felt.
I pray, I bow down, I look up to your eyes,
The splendour in them pulls me ever so close.
Your "my first, my last, my everything"...
My paradise - miracle for a soul morose.

Eclipsed




Scars and memories, These are all that remain.
Twisted dreams, reminiscent of
My soul's tragedy - through flashes insane.
The light dims, Im bathing in darkness,

Choked to a point beyond bliss.

I feel that I cannot feel any more,
My dreams depart, Im left numbed;

Talons of betrayal ripping through my soul....

Faces all around - cruel laughter, too loud.

Do i know them? They don't answer..

Their smiles reply......"We are you..

You are us.....We are your thoughts..

The world all around...Your 1000 faces in your mind"

I fight back, but revelation blossoms..
Their words....were true...

I am them, my sins, my thoughts, my eclipsed existence..
From shadows they come, in shadows depart.
Entombed in our own dark desires, gorging on our essence.
Light, distant, glows from afar...
I raise my hand, reach out in pain..
Scars and memories of my own thoughts..

Forever remain.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Exam??? Hummmph...U friggin' kidin' me??




My dear fellow brethren of dis famous state o West Bengal, i hav news....u suck!!!! Yes, dis means u (wipe off d smirk frm ur face, will ya? ders nuthin funny....atleast not yet)!!!
On d 19th of April was our "famush" WBJEE exam (oooooohhhhhh, d horror, eh?.....shut up!!!). After 2 + 2 + 2 hours of gr8 misery, i realised dat dis exam is a HUGE farce!! Its a ruddy joke up our asses, n in d fullest, worst, screwy-est sort way imaginable...!!! Let me giv u sum points as 2 y im jerked off by dis exam:

  • Most o d students appearin 4 d exam ain't "students" at all!!! Dey r fathers, uncles, jethus, kakas, mamas, or boro dadas.......wit deir faces covered wit facial hear at awkward bristly angles n high-powered magnifyin glasses on each eye (dey call it spectacles....hmmmph! specs my ass!) At least 11+ ppl in each room r prolly married n raisin a family. Most o dem brought deir "jholas" in2 d rooms b4 bein told dat bags weren allowed...mebbe sum even tried arguin : "Its not a bag!! Eta amar Pencil-box!" Yes, d wb govt has lifted d age-ban opn d exam....so all dese oldies hav swooped in to take our places. Tell me smfink, if u study 4 dis kinda 4 16 yrs n den apper, wat r ur chanzes? lemme tink, how about: 110% asshole!!
  • Most o d students (incudin all d dadus n dadas) r frm d wb board n dey r NOT appearin in ANY other exam. We fellas frm d ISC n CBSE boards r subtly wiped out by tiny stitched-in games dat d examiners play (hint: d games r NOT in our favour....) (hint 2: yes, chk d rank pattern wen it cums out, ul c how well its bn arranged in a pro-WB fashun) (hint 3: dis yr its election time, so n e doubts abt who'll b gettin d advantage suckers?? x( )
  • For us ISC students , its yet another bizzare ass-whuppin time. V hav a highly "scientiphik" syllabus, vch neither helps us in d all-india exams nor in dis friggin joint....come again? scientiphik, u say?
  • D ppr is d best part of it all. Each subject has at least 8 mishtakes in d q pprs. Yet u shud c d wb ppl go!! Dey kp filin in d bubbles like dey'r high on dope! Its like dey KNOW!! (more likely dey know d examiners, i spose) Dey neva find ne mistake wit d ppr. dey don even calcul8 d sums in chem!! Can u do dis : 6.023E23 * 6.67E-34 / 25 ? without a calcul8r?? in 3sec?? yes u lesser mortal!! dey apparently can!!! Bt ask dem how...n dey'll look at u as if u accused dem o debauchery. Deir eyes narrow, deir breathin dilates, n thru deir beard u can hear 'em sayin sumfink like : "Baari ja shala! Jaanish amaar baba board-er ke hoy?"
  • D invigil8rs think dat invigilashun = havin tea 3 times in 2 hrs, rndumly leavin d exam hall, n lettin u open d seal o d q ppr 15 mins after time just to show dey CAN!!
  • I found 2 students in front of me discussin how dey'd dun miserable in d exam last year..(aw c'mon dont get angry..dey'r just one yr older...haven u seen d senescent ones?) apparently in 13 mins both o dem finishd d ppr. One had attempted a whoppin 7 qns outta 50 n d other 11. Den wat do dey do wit d rest o d time? DEY STAT PLAYIN IMAGINARY CRICKET!!! D bastards!!!!! D slimmer wun o d lot goes: "Hey, look, ill chuck u spinners n u play 'em". den he starts swingin his fingers to throw an imaginary ball at his pal, who swishes an air-bat to strike. d bowler goes "Yeah!! catch dhorlam!!" d batsman goes:"Naaaa! Ota boundary cross korechey!" D invigil8r sees dem n goes:" Plz erokom koro na. Ektu shaanto holey hoy na ki?" I go: "Oooh wats dis? I think dis is d ball. C'mon its not a boundary.. oh sorry, gezz its just ur other ball dat droppd off!"
Well, all said n dun, i think its high time to put an end to markin ppl on d basis of one-day's farce!! I mean, do u realize deir vl b docs n engineers in a few yrs who hav spawned frm success in dis kinda thing??? Srsly, r u FRIGGIN' KIDDIN' ME?????

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Bandh-e-mathagaram



तो हम क्या कहते है, बंगाल जो है , बरिया भोपू बजा रहा है! फिर से बाँध बुला दिया! yepp! its back!! our glorious govt has yet agen told us bangalis to move fwd to d back!! dis wednesday was.....yes, u got it, a BANDH!! jeez!! vl v eva learn?! dis wednesday was a bandh!! n bengal society progressed!! here r sum things i got to kno dis day:

  • half-naked boys can effectivly turn d shambazar crossing in2 a cricket ground...n by god!! wat mighty moves! as our netaji keeps pointin his finger in a perpetual howzzat stance, dese fellas show him dat d bat s mightier dan n e sword, or pen, for dat matter...
  • cycles race each oder on d bypass n moulali roads. each one of em is a lance armstrong racin his way to glory. watch d same road on a busy day...ull find bus-drivers "politely" tellin dese cyclists " Raastata ki apnar pitrideber??!!"
  • females think its a gr8 day 4 shoppin...dese femme fatales, wrapped up in lip gloss, make-up n rags to reveal deir skin, arrive at shoppin malls only 2 realize: whoa lord! ts closed! hmm..my dear un4tun8 females, didn a gr8 man once say dat for females, beauty X brains is a constant??
  • as our society progresses bakwards, some hoodlums call out marches emphasizin d need for this strike....o boy! u calld a strike only to yell ur throats out in d midday sun? get sum brains man! u should hav doe dis on a busier day wen dere wud b PPL TO HEAR U!!!!!
Well, s'pose enuff of progress for one day. next time sum brainy fartaholic cums up wid d idea to call a bandh, i wanna ask him " Y bother? ds country's goin to d crocodiles n e way! mite as well let things go bad on deir own!"

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Research

Here are some reasons y i deserv a certain amount of appraisal for my research...

1) I have discovered a cheap way to accelerate an electron widout using a cyclostat. Just tie d electron to a bylon string n start executing rotatory motion (wid d string, u freak , not wid urself!!) n presto!! it works....!!

2)I have tried to find out why, if we r to follow d theory of conservation of momentum, wen we break a vermicelli piece, d pieces of different sizes dont fall to d ground wid different speeds.I also wanted to kno y duz it break in2 more dan 2 pieces evn if v break it thru d middle!!

3)I tried to find out vch species of dungbeetle has an affinity fer vch odour of dung...( dont evn try askin me bout d steps of research....dey were...erm..."squirmy"(literally) n kinda "greasy").

4)I want to find out y, if solar energy is a sesky source of energy, do we lose energy if we stand in d sun ol day long??

5)I want to find out y, if gorrilas show intelligence, don't dey purposefully screw up on experiments to chk deir intelligenze???

6)I wanna kno how come fools r so smart dat dey end up dislodgin ol fool-proof systems???

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Engleesh is a phani langwage!!

Olryte, fer d furst tyme, Im posting stuff copied frm sumwere. I couldnt help it, deye were hillarious!! Here r sum notices frm around d world:

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal towels please, if u r not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed. During dat time we regret u will b unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter lift backwards, n only wen lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move cabin, push button for wishing floor. If d cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave ur values at the front desk.

In a hotel at Athens:
Visitors r xpected to complain daily between 9 n 11 am.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of the underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:
U r invited to take advantage of d chambermaid.

On d menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave u nuthin to hope for.

In an Austrian hotel for skiers:
Not to perambulate d corridors in d hours of repose in d boots of ascension.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may hav a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop ur trousers here for best results.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order ur summer suit. Becoz is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In an ad by a Hong kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by d latest methodists.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave ur clothes here n spend d afternoon having a good time.

In a Czech tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Ad for donkey rides in Switzerland:
Would ya lyk to ride yer own ass?

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream!

In a Bangkok temple:
Is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man, unless she b really a man.

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take ur bags n send them in all directions.

On d door of a Moscow hotel room:
If dis is ur first visit to Russia, u r welcome to it.

In a Norwegian lounge:
Ladies r requested not to hav children in d bar.

In a Budapest zoo:
Plz do not feed d animals. If u hav n e suitable food, give it to d guard on duty.

In d office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women n other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
D water served here is personally passed by d manager.

From a Japanese info booklet bout using a hotel AC:
Cooles n Heates: if u want just condition of warm in room, then plz control urself.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Twisted Topics

Olryte now!! Enuff of it!! Didja kno dat our txtbooks r filld wid hell lotta crap?? Here r sum of d chart toppers!!

Physics
It states in d composition of an electric bell, dat d bell consists of "screw S". Now tell me, y on earth wud n e wun in deir ryte minds wanna screw innocent li'l "S"???? Wat can a part of a bell do dat it shud b screwd?? Furst of all, unparliamentary terms lyk "screw" shudnt b allowd in buks meant to b studied by li'l children of klass 10!! Secondly, why screw S????? Y not sumwun elz wurth screwing????? I mean, its plotless!! N more imp. , how do dey xpect to screw S???? Push it off a cliff???

Moreover, sum books even hab sums about levers, n wun of dem states dat d load arm of a wheel barrow is dis much, n d effort arm is dat much, so calcul8 d mechanikal advantage. Now, i've seen garbage collektors in my area move wid dose wheelbarrows, n trust me, u DO NOT wanna go near n e of d barrows to find out how long its load arm is!!! try takin a measurin tape near dat, n da garbage collektor is gona kick ur butt, if u survive d stench, dat is!!!

Biology
It states in a refrenz to embryonic development, dat d amnion "surrounds the foetus to protect it from pressure(pascal's law)". Now, pascal's law states dat in a confined liquid, pressure applied at a point is transmitted equally n undiminishd in ol direkshuns!! So acc. to d bio book, if we do so much as shake d hand of a pregnant lady, den d pressure will b transmitted ol d way to d foetus thru d blood??? So d xpektant moms shud b kept in glass chambers or sumfink???Bummer!!

History
D book states dat NWFP stands fer North-West Frontier Province. Now pardon my impertinenz, but unless im terribly wrong, d britishers hated Indians, n acc. to dat logic, NWFP shud stand fer "Never Watch Firangees Peeing"!! I mean, d englishmen didnt want indians to meddle in deir affairs, ryte?? so indians werent allowd near british lavatories!! henze NWFP!! sheesh! how cud d authors miss dis??

Literature
In Act 2, Sc-2, Brutus states "swear priests, cowards.."n so on. Now, in d name of ol d Gods n godzillaz dat d japanese worship, wat makes shakespeare think dat priets use swear-words???????? Try dis :

  1. Go to a church/temple
  2. Stand in front of d altar
  3. Summon d priest
  4. Use d mightiest swear-words u kno
  5. Watch wat happens.

Ur gonna hab a never-4gettable xperienze!! D priest is surely gonna convinz u dat u hab paved ur way towards hell, n shall b facin God's wrath soon....he may evn say dat a mighty plague will befall d country becoz of ur misdeed!! So, d baseline is : Priests DO NOT swear at ol!!!!!!

EVE
Ok, dis tops 'em ol!! It sez in our books dat dere's a massive ozone hole over Antarctica. It olso states dat ozone holes r caused by CFCs used in refrigerants n aerosol sprays. Now, Y DO DESE WRITERS HAB A COMMON SENSE EQUIVALENT TO DAT OF A PLATE OF LASAGNA WIDOUT MUTTON CHOPS DAT'S BEEN THWACKED ON A BRICK WALL?????? I mean, y wud n e wun in deir right minds need to use a refrigerant in Antarctica??? Tok to d eskimos dere, dey'll tell ya dat its firewood dey crave fer, NOT refrigerant!! D place is a refigerant!!!! If refrigerants n aerosols cause ozone holes, shudnt ozone holes b over areas lyk downtown Manhattan? Its kinda obvious!!! Ever seen reindeer/polar beer (i dunno vch is in Antarctica) use aerosols????

Computer Applications
This is no less!! This year, we were given dis prog:
The calves are not so good at speaking. They use funny words for digits.For calves, the digits from zero to nine are spoken and written as: 0 no 3 ci 6 xa 9 so 1 pa 4 vo 7 ze 2 re 5 mu 8 bi
Larger numbers are created by gluing together the names of the digits.For example, 123 is 'pareci'. A single space can be placed between thedigits, so 123 can also be written as 'pa reci', 'pare ci' or even 'pa reci'.Help the calves learn arithmetic. Write a program that reads in sixnumbers of no more than 15 calf digits and sums them. The output, ofcourse, must be in the calf numbers.
PROBLEM NAME: calfnum
INPUT FORMAT:Six lines, each with a calf number of no more than 15 digits
SAMPLE INPUT (file calfnum.in):
pa
papa
civo
xaze
biso
no
OUTPUT FORMAT:A single line with a single calf number that is the sum of the six inputcalf numbers. The output line contains no spaces.

Now tell me srsly, TOKING CALVES????? moreover, CALVES WHO COUNT?? trust me ppl, i hab tried to go to a calf wid a notepad wid a calf-numbah sum on it. D calf merely stated "mooo" in a nonchalant way n DID NOT say n e thing else!!! It cudnt solve d sum!! N it cudnt say n e thin more dan moooo eider!! Wat nxt?? singing toads??? or mebbe researching crows?? or astronomikal guinea-pigs???? Sheesh!!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Interviews

Well, its olmost time for d ICSEs, but b4 dat, some interviews were taken of d studes of our skul bout how dey felt now dat d exams were about to make 'em sweat in deir pants....lets refrae dat(fer ppl who look at lyf d srs way), we wanted to kno wat deir views were bout d xams. Here r some of d best wuns...

Stud 1 (*looking very solemn n nodding head vigorously*) well, yes, dey r very important...u kno, lyk..um..(*startin to sweat*)rillie rillie important..as in...(*shakin hands to reveal his loquatiousness n speakin in a high falsetto tune*) veeeery veery important ...yes..(*eyes bulgin out n lookin lyk a cross between a rusty android n an oversized guinea-pig*)...u hab no idea how important dey r fer me!!!
(yes we do, mate!! dey r so freakin important dat u dont realize dat d grass under u is wet by dis tyme!! dey'll prolly decide wethr u liv beyond march or not!)

Stud 2(* a bit morose n sighing*) aah..de ICSEs...dey r kinda lyk a distant dream...a panorama of intrigue n fear(*lips quivering , n eyes looking distant n dreamy*)....n will probably result inrevealing wat a muddied oaf i am!! aah...but den, i'll b able to live wid dat heart-rending burden...fer i kno dat widin a few billion years, a MASSIVE BLACK HOLE WILL CONSUME OL OF US!!! NO ONE WILL SURVIVE!! REPENT O SINNERS!!!!(*jumping bout in panic, as if his butt has just been soaked in boiling oil*) DOOMSDAY IS COMING!!!(*runs away to convey d news of doomsday as if twere d news of a cretin havin given birth to triplets*)

Stud 3(*smilin affably*) Ha! The ICSEs?? My aunt is an xaminer, so i'll just sit back n relax n wait fer marks to b showerd on me!(*voice frm bakground bout d fact dat in ICSE sheets, u dont write ur name or ur skul name, just d roll no.*) What??? My aunt nevva told me dat!! Let me change wat i said, my aunt WAS an xaminer!! (*shakin in rage akin to hitler's on seeing dat a jew had pissed in his bathroom*)

Stud 4(*carefree spirit*) I dont take chaap! I've even plannd out a schedule fer studying...see, i spend only 4 hours during d day n 3 n a haff hrs at nyte wid my drumset...da remaining haff n hour i'm at my work station studyin nowadays.
(jeez! now dats wat i coll a work schedule. well, he givs new meanin to d word "work station"...a train station is where a train stops, so a work station is....u decide!)

Stud 5(*puts out his tongue n shakes his head on being asked*) don't ask now!! i'm too tensed!! i've only done 4 revishuns of d syllabus! Unless i do 3 more, i wont top!! den wat'll happen to me??? oh! (*puts hand to forehead n a strikingly painful pose*) da horror of it ol!! i'll b lost in d crowds of despair!! i may end up wid suicide!
(hell!! and if at furst u dont succed, DIE DIE agen!)

Monday, February 12, 2007

Reacshunzz


Well, d storm's ovva!! D results of our pre-boards r out....n here r sum of d reacshunzz of d various studes of various walks of lyf....

Stud 1:

Srs typo dude who usually ends up topping in his klass. Well, he ends up wid 76 on 80 in chem.....n it transpires dat sum oder dude wid d equally burnin desire fer spendin d lyf-tyme wid books has receivd 78.....so wat duz stud 1 do??? He acshully starts CRYING!!!! Yesh, dere r REAL TEARS flowin frm his groggy eyes....n he sumhow makes it seem as if he's gonna cry out "mamma, i'm coming home" any instant!!(no, we werent hoping fer it, coz dat wud result in d oders wishin to cum home to deir mammas too) i mean, ppl cry wen deir dawgs die or wen dey miss d chance to watch d last haff-hr of d 3rd part of d trilogy of LOTR....bt cry fer chem???? well, u decide his phiuchaar!


Stud 2: During d exams, dis dude was found keepin his eyes glued to his answer sheet, n prolonged veiwin of him led sum of us beleev dat at any moment, dere wud b sparx radiatin frm his head.....such was d concentrashun!! wen d results r out, ol of us lesser mortals rally towards him to kno how he has done...........wid certain grave nods, he replies"Oh...quite well.."...we reply "well???..." he sez "Well, 54% aggregate....quite good, isnt it?"....
now we aint feelin so well!!


Stud 3: D evva-smiling chaapless individual, who has a stoic way of lyf....no amount of disgrace is enuff to shame him.....he sold dat quality to stud 1 in his diaper days....
He keeps smilin at his papers....n wun glance at dem shows us dat he's failed in 8 of d subjekts.......on being given condolensces, he sez" Wat r ya sad fer???? Dese mks r more dan wat i got in d class tests!! Now pop's gonna buy me d new bicycle i've been dying fer!" we leev him to die fer d bike.....


Stud 3: He receivs his computer paper....dances bout in joy fer sumtyme seeing dat he's obtained 87...den realizes dat d name on top of d sheet sumhow strikes him as odd....as if not in collaboranz wid wat his parents had fixed fer him....den he realizes dat d name's not his at ol.....he returns d copy to d teechr n takes his own.....sees 7 written on d top....n starts dancing bout in fury, lettin off selekted abuses at d teechr fer not being able to surmise his genius.


Stud 4:Keeps his fingers stuffd in his ears wen d papers r being distributed...sez dat he "dont wanna kno how every one has done"....wunce he gets d paper, howevr, he livs against his filosofy n movs bout askin everywun deir mks.


Stud 5: Roams bout d corridors of d 3rd floor, groanin n sighin at intervals, lookin at d burnin sun outside, tryin to engulf his sorrow in d golden drops of snlight, n keeps his head low. D reezn?? He has receivd "only" 93 in maths n 89 in scienz, n now seems to b facing a dilemma bout wether he'll b gettin scienz in klass 11 or not! Sheesh....if I were u, pal, i wud hab been concentratin on wethr i'd land up wid my best frends in my scienz klass in 11 !!