My dear fellow brethren of dis famous state o West Bengal, i hav news....u suck!!!! Yes, dis means u (wipe off d smirk frm ur face, will ya? ders nuthin funny....atleast not yet)!!!
On d 19th of April was our "famush" WBJEE exam (oooooohhhhhh, d horror, eh?.....shut up!!!). After 2 + 2 + 2 hours of gr8 misery, i realised dat dis exam is a HUGE farce!! Its a ruddy joke up our asses, n in d fullest, worst, screwy-est sort way imaginable...!!! Let me giv u sum points as 2 y im jerked off by dis exam:
- Most o d students appearin 4 d exam ain't "students" at all!!! Dey r fathers, uncles, jethus, kakas, mamas, or boro dadas.......wit deir faces covered wit facial hear at awkward bristly angles n high-powered magnifyin glasses on each eye (dey call it spectacles....hmmmph! specs my ass!) At least 11+ ppl in each room r prolly married n raisin a family. Most o dem brought deir "jholas" in2 d rooms b4 bein told dat bags weren allowed...mebbe sum even tried arguin : "Its not a bag!! Eta amar Pencil-box!" Yes, d wb govt has lifted d age-ban opn d exam....so all dese oldies hav swooped in to take our places. Tell me smfink, if u study 4 dis kinda 4 16 yrs n den apper, wat r ur chanzes? lemme tink, how about: 110% asshole!!
- Most o d students (incudin all d dadus n dadas) r frm d wb board n dey r NOT appearin in ANY other exam. We fellas frm d ISC n CBSE boards r subtly wiped out by tiny stitched-in games dat d examiners play (hint: d games r NOT in our favour....) (hint 2: yes, chk d rank pattern wen it cums out, ul c how well its bn arranged in a pro-WB fashun) (hint 3: dis yr its election time, so n e doubts abt who'll b gettin d advantage suckers?? x( )
- For us ISC students , its yet another bizzare ass-whuppin time. V hav a highly "scientiphik" syllabus, vch neither helps us in d all-india exams nor in dis friggin joint....come again? scientiphik, u say?
- D ppr is d best part of it all. Each subject has at least 8 mishtakes in d q pprs. Yet u shud c d wb ppl go!! Dey kp filin in d bubbles like dey'r high on dope! Its like dey KNOW!! (more likely dey know d examiners, i spose) Dey neva find ne mistake wit d ppr. dey don even calcul8 d sums in chem!! Can u do dis : 6.023E23 * 6.67E-34 / 25 ? without a calcul8r?? in 3sec?? yes u lesser mortal!! dey apparently can!!! Bt ask dem how...n dey'll look at u as if u accused dem o debauchery. Deir eyes narrow, deir breathin dilates, n thru deir beard u can hear 'em sayin sumfink like : "Baari ja shala! Jaanish amaar baba board-er ke hoy?"
- D invigil8rs think dat invigilashun = havin tea 3 times in 2 hrs, rndumly leavin d exam hall, n lettin u open d seal o d q ppr 15 mins after time just to show dey CAN!!
- I found 2 students in front of me discussin how dey'd dun miserable in d exam last year..(aw c'mon dont get angry..dey'r just one yr older...haven u seen d senescent ones?) apparently in 13 mins both o dem finishd d ppr. One had attempted a whoppin 7 qns outta 50 n d other 11. Den wat do dey do wit d rest o d time? DEY STAT PLAYIN IMAGINARY CRICKET!!! D bastards!!!!! D slimmer wun o d lot goes: "Hey, look, ill chuck u spinners n u play 'em". den he starts swingin his fingers to throw an imaginary ball at his pal, who swishes an air-bat to strike. d bowler goes "Yeah!! catch dhorlam!!" d batsman goes:"Naaaa! Ota boundary cross korechey!" D invigil8r sees dem n goes:" Plz erokom koro na. Ektu shaanto holey hoy na ki?" I go: "Oooh wats dis? I think dis is d ball. C'mon its not a boundary.. oh sorry, gezz its just ur other ball dat droppd off!"