Twisted Topics

Olryte now!! Enuff of it!! Didja kno dat our txtbooks r filld wid hell lotta crap?? Here r sum of d chart toppers!!

Physics
It states in d composition of an electric bell, dat d bell consists of "screw S". Now tell me, y on earth wud n e wun in deir ryte minds wanna screw innocent li'l "S"???? Wat can a part of a bell do dat it shud b screwd?? Furst of all, unparliamentary terms lyk "screw" shudnt b allowd in buks meant to b studied by li'l children of klass 10!! Secondly, why screw S????? Y not sumwun elz wurth screwing????? I mean, its plotless!! N more imp. , how do dey xpect to screw S???? Push it off a cliff???

Moreover, sum books even hab sums about levers, n wun of dem states dat d load arm of a wheel barrow is dis much, n d effort arm is dat much, so calcul8 d mechanikal advantage. Now, i've seen garbage collektors in my area move wid dose wheelbarrows, n trust me, u DO NOT wanna go near n e of d barrows to find out how long its load arm is!!! try takin a measurin tape near dat, n da garbage collektor is gona kick ur butt, if u survive d stench, dat is!!!

Biology
It states in a refrenz to embryonic development, dat d amnion "surrounds the foetus to protect it from pressure(pascal's law)". Now, pascal's law states dat in a confined liquid, pressure applied at a point is transmitted equally n undiminishd in ol direkshuns!! So acc. to d bio book, if we do so much as shake d hand of a pregnant lady, den d pressure will b transmitted ol d way to d foetus thru d blood??? So d xpektant moms shud b kept in glass chambers or sumfink???Bummer!!

History
D book states dat NWFP stands fer North-West Frontier Province. Now pardon my impertinenz, but unless im terribly wrong, d britishers hated Indians, n acc. to dat logic, NWFP shud stand fer "Never Watch Firangees Peeing"!! I mean, d englishmen didnt want indians to meddle in deir affairs, ryte?? so indians werent allowd near british lavatories!! henze NWFP!! sheesh! how cud d authors miss dis??

Literature
In Act 2, Sc-2, Brutus states "swear priests, cowards.."n so on. Now, in d name of ol d Gods n godzillaz dat d japanese worship, wat makes shakespeare think dat priets use swear-words???????? Try dis :

1. Go to a church/temple
2. Stand in front of d altar
3. Summon d priest
4. Use d mightiest swear-words u kno
5. Watch wat happens.

Ur gonna hab a never-4gettable xperienze!! D priest is surely gonna convinz u dat u hab paved ur way towards hell, n shall b facin God's wrath soon....he may evn say dat a mighty plague will befall d country becoz of ur misdeed!! So, d baseline is : Priests DO NOT swear at ol!!!!!!

EVE
Ok, dis tops 'em ol!! It sez in our books dat dere's a massive ozone hole over Antarctica. It olso states dat ozone holes r caused by CFCs used in refrigerants n aerosol sprays. Now, Y DO DESE WRITERS HAB A COMMON SENSE EQUIVALENT TO DAT OF A PLATE OF LASAGNA WIDOUT MUTTON CHOPS DAT'S BEEN THWACKED ON A BRICK WALL?????? I mean, y wud n e wun in deir right minds need to use a refrigerant in Antarctica??? Tok to d eskimos dere, dey'll tell ya dat its firewood dey crave fer, NOT refrigerant!! D place is a refigerant!!!! If refrigerants n aerosols cause ozone holes, shudnt ozone holes b over areas lyk downtown Manhattan? Its kinda obvious!!! Ever seen reindeer/polar beer (i dunno vch is in Antarctica) use aerosols????

Computer Applications
This is no less!! This year, we were given dis prog:
The calves are not so good at speaking. They use funny words for digits.For calves, the digits from zero to nine are spoken and written as: 0 no 3 ci 6 xa 9 so 1 pa 4 vo 7 ze 2 re 5 mu 8 bi
Larger numbers are created by gluing together the names of the digits.For example, 123 is 'pareci'. A single space can be placed between thedigits, so 123 can also be written as 'pa reci', 'pare ci' or even 'pa reci'.Help the calves learn arithmetic. Write a program that reads in sixnumbers of no more than 15 calf digits and sums them. The output, ofcourse, must be in the calf numbers.
PROBLEM NAME: calfnum
INPUT FORMAT:Six lines, each with a calf number of no more than 15 digits
SAMPLE INPUT (file calfnum.in):
pa
papa
civo
xaze
biso
no
OUTPUT FORMAT:A single line with a single calf number that is the sum of the six inputcalf numbers. The output line contains no spaces.

Now tell me srsly, TOKING CALVES????? moreover, CALVES WHO COUNT?? trust me ppl, i hab tried to go to a calf wid a notepad wid a calf-numbah sum on it. D calf merely stated "mooo" in a nonchalant way n DID NOT say n e thing else!!! It cudnt solve d sum!! N it cudnt say n e thin more dan moooo eider!! Wat nxt?? singing toads??? or mebbe researching crows?? or astronomikal guinea-pigs???? Sheesh!!